depression

All posts tagged depression

Fathers Day

Published June 17, 2013 by tabbimarie13

It’s that one holiday where I laugh. The only father I can celebrate with is my father in law. My sperm donor was too busy raising another family to care about me and my step father who actually raised me…well he’s doing the same as the other.
It’s one of those days when I avoid Facebook and Instagram. I rather not see/read/deal with all the people with parents that actually care. LOL. Pathetic.
This year, like the last 7 years, I celebrated with my husband and his family. They’ve helped me more than my own family these last few years. Whether it was advice, babysitting, loans anything…they always tried to help. We had a barbeque with horseshoes, sparklers, done bombs, kickball and baseball. The kids had a blast and actually slept in till noon today! Lol

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Happy fathers day to the man who helped create our crazy, wild, beautiful, smart, loving little divas.

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Sunday Funday?!

Published March 3, 2013 by tabbimarie13

Ok, so my title is actually a lie…due to being here at work. I’m impatiently waiting for Thursday! I’ll be free from work for 2 days and the best part…this is my last full time week!!! You can’t see it but I have the biggest smile ever!!! Ok, I promise to lay off the exclamation marks and while I’m at it, I’ll step off cloud 9.
My post lately have been very dry and straight to the point. Today maybe I can actually type out life and who knows give a giggle or two.
We hired a newb at work, she’ll begin Monday. I haven’t met her yet, I will Monday afternoon thou. I’m a good judge of character…hopefully my intuition thinks she’ll be drama free and a good addition. Also, we had what looked like our windows shot during the week. Boss is declaring it was someone spinning out and happened to spit ice all over…I don’t know that I believe it. Why? Ohhh, because one “ice chunk” went thru so hard it damaged a video case! I guess either way, they well say whatever to keep customers and employees happy. I mean, who is afraid of ice holes!? I’ll let you be the judge…bet you’d choose ice too.

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This week is a fun filled week for Kae at school. Monday is the book fair (she’s obsessed with reading, like her momma), Thursday her change collection is due to help raise money for the school library to get new books and Friday is her spring pictures. If you haven’t caught on yet…this week is expensive! Miss.Diva already had a book sneak peek and needs almost $20, her change bag is barely full and pictures are $44. I guess working part time again should scare me, haha. But who can deny her the fun? Lol
Friday is hubby doctor appointment. He’s still feeling what he calls “an air bubble” around his incision and it still hurts to bend or tighten his abs. I’m hoping the good ol’ doctor says suck it up buttercup and ships him back to work Monday. Mean wife I know, but he’s been out of work since January! Plus if I’m back to part time, we’ll need that lovely income. I know if he had his way he’d be a stay at home daddy and honestly I think the divas would ok this! They all have such a blast together and love him being around daily. The few times he’s actually left for “Man dates” they had withdraw.
I guess I can’t blame them, I remember moments like that with my Dad. In all honesty they are the only few memories I have. Soon after drugs and disappearing took over the family time. Im glad my girls will never have that empty feeling. I may say stuff and act like he does nothing, but he’s an amazing man. I guess I key my jealousy get the best of me at times. Let’s face it ladies, the men always have easy with the home life…don’t act like you’re not jealous at times.
I’m pretty sure zero is finally out of heat, thank goodness! She’s mommas baby but good grief she was a furnace! She’s become very jealous of my kindle lately and seems to always find ways to Katy on it as she attacks with kisses. She’s lucky she’s a cute mutt!
Aside from my life, I’m doing good. That feeling of depression has started to fade. The sun is out and shining with no snow for once and I’m excited to go home at 5. I miss the divas….and the hubby.

I also am going to show a picture of my moms disgusting neck. You’ve been warned. As for her, she’s still hating rehab from what she’s been posting online. We haven’t really talked. Evidently she’s allowed alcohol there, or she’s at least sneaking it. I have nothing positive to say about it, so I’ll just post a picture.

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Makes me wanna hurl 😡 nasty, nasty, nasty.

Moving on! I’m currently reading the Argeneau Vampire series by Lynsay Sands. If you’ve read the Highlander Series by Karen Marie Moning, and like vampires, you’d love the series. If you like romance with suspense I highly recommend both series. I’m including links for book summaries!

the highlander -just an fyi book one made me wanna rename my husband Hawk and I was close to buying a kilt 😉

the argeneau series

Well interweb it’s time to work…I guess.

Xoxo

Exhaustion!

Published February 21, 2013 by tabbimarie13

Well I’m still working full time and it shows no signs of stopping…wahh! I’ve been the right hand man at this company for majority of the year I’ve been here…more so with the new Guy. I don’t mind, I mean we need the money, but man these 40 hours of night shifts and attempting to not be a zombie in the morning are killing me. My days off are spent sleeping! This week I was suppose to be part time…yeah I got called in Tuesday! Only good news is I pulled up to “Now Hiring” signs in the window. He’s had enough of the trash employees and is going above the next in commands head to remove them. This is exciting! I’m constantly called in to cover their shifts, I’m stuck fixing their mistakes and I’m missing out on my kids while they drink and do drugs!
Now that Kaes in school, any week day shift means I see her as we go to the bus stop and as I pick her up from the bus stop 😦 I can’t stand it and I feel like she’s going to hold it over my head that im not around. I know she won’t, she understands daddy isn’t working and that in order to get fun stuff, I have too. But….it’s putting me into a real depression. I miss my family time Aside from work, all is the same here. Except for my mother. She’s been battling a “pinched nerve” for 6 weeks now. Well after a MRI tonight she was sent straight to the ER. She has to have an emergency neck surgery -_- She’s getting it first thing in the morning and it’s scary. She already had a failed back surgery that has scar tissue climbing from her butt crack to her shoulder blades. The Dr told her she’s lucky she’s not freaking paralyzed. -Emergency Corepectomy? With fusion. They are going thru the front of my neck AND back. I have to get two vertebrates removed that are broken and decayed. – That’s from her.
So now I have the stress of this to add to my daily work stress. Blah. I’m just praying it’s all ok and that everything will work out this time. Other than that I crafted cute owl earrings and ordered the sexiest purse ever and have been lost in reading! ❤ Hope everything is going good for you guys.

Goodnight xoxo

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are they adorable! ❤

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Seriously thee most amazing purse ever! I’m beyond in love! And so glad I finally bought myself something!

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Over due

Published May 15, 2012 by tabbimarie13

Oh w.p you were probably beginning to think I forgot about you. The reality is family follows me and well I’m sure they don’t wanna read what has truly been on my mind.
I’m ready to quit my job, my boss seems to think I enjoy working full time. Even if I mention every day how they need to hire already…whatever. I’m over it.
My kids are their normal perfect monster selves. I miss them do much lately. Every morning the first thing I hear is ” ugh do you have to work, I don’t want a babysitter”, makes your heart shatter into a million pieces. My days off are spent sucking up and playing until we are ready to pass out.
Who knew how hard working could be on a 4 and 2 year old. I’m going through depression once again…I am over eating and making myself sick from it. I want to sleep all day, I’m Moody, I’m sad…I’m beautifully broken. I’ve become molded into todays typical insecure girl…I miss me.
I miss my laugh, my happy tears, I miss when I wasnt an emotional wreck.
That’s life though, one big cluster fuck after another. I need to go buy a journal.

in life you face fear head on,
Otherwise you become its mate.
Life is forever on going in the struggles,
Its never suppose to be easy.

Failure

Published May 12, 2011 by tabbimarie13

Life is kicking me while Im down lately, and mentally I cant handle it anymore. Im barely maken ends meet, I have no food, my stuff is close to shut off status…all because we had both cars down that needed to be fixed!
Jerm is finallu back to work, thank god…but by time we get paid will broke again
Seems like no matter what i do, im constantly in a hole…a deep neverending hole…
I cant take this anymore…Im ready to dip the state and start over.