This month has been so crazy! Between losing my job over racism and stupidity, to my baby girl running a temp of 105 off and on for a few days, to our random vacation!
I feel as though I have been out of it, a whole month of random choas and plenty of headaches! But in the end I can not complain. Yes, I am unemployeed and broker than a joker, but I am keeping my faith that maybe DHS will actually help us. I filled out my app, had my phone interview, now its the waiting game…and lord knows I am impatient. I had a few jobs call, but my cars battery is so dead I need a new one, so I can only work Mids or Days for now…none of which they offered.
My baby girl is back to normal and running around like her wild self. No more meds or all nighters keeping an eye on her. By far the scariest thing I have been through!! They still have no idea what caused her crazy fever….blood and throat cultures all came back normal. Im just glad my girl is ok 🙂
As for the vacation…it was a blast! First time me and hubby have ever been kid free or alone in 5 years. We did every water slide and pool they had. I feel like i got beat up, my whole body aches from the walking and stairs haha. But it was nice, we spent the whole time together and even stayed up super late to scope out all the stuff the group didnt wanna see.
All in all its been pretty good! Thanks to my frand Theresa, I am back into sketching and attempting to draw. Its amazing how good it feels to have a pencil indent in your finger, lead all over the side of your palm and the sound of a sharp pencil against your paper is just bliss! Who knew something so simple, could make you feel so relaxed…to an extent ha.
Now if only I could of forced myself to do some laundry!
With all the chaos of what is called life, lately I have been evaluating all the pros and cons of everything. By everything, I mean just that….marriage, friendship, work, family are in these lists I have mentally created. I have always had a huge issue with apologies, granted I demand them when someone messes up, they are something I have never really mastered. Almost 24 years old and I still hate to say sorry, yet punish my toddler when she refuses?! Why do I waste my time attempting to keep friends, when the reality is I am way to selfish with my kids to make time for a “friend”? Yes, I miss gossip, getting away from everything and getting sucked into their lives for just a moment. But the truth is, no one will understand the feeling my kids give me. They make me glow with just a smile and they love on me when I am down. I have a small handful, by that I mean like three tops, of friends I can confide in. The few that know the true me and not the front I put on for others.
Who knew Miss.Social Butterfly, is really the most self-critical person there is. I just feel as though it is just not worth it. All the failed years of attempting to keep and make a friendship, just caused a headache. The fact that majority of the girls you meet now a days are shady and do nothing but trash talk each other, it’s not a scene I enjoy too much. It is to the point now, that when the husband drags me to social gatherings with his friends, you will find me in the corner hiding. Pathetic I know, but I rather be seen as the bitch, then the girl they want to trash. I still speak my mind, lord knows I will never bite my tongue for anyone.
Then there is marriage….something that is spoke of as if it is a fairy tale. Yes, together forever, happily ever after…but what those stories fail to mention is life. The stress of bills, jobs, cars, children…you know the normal. Yet a novel makes it seem so magical and it is always full of breath-taking romance. Then your fairy tale takes on the real world! A complete different story starts to unfold, one with deep plots, heartache, butterflies and laughs. From a far any couple can look perfect, it’s what is behind closed doors that they would be more interested in. No one is perfect, though they claim they are, and I am far from perfect. Admitting this is the first step to recovery and recovery leads to changes.
I have too many things with myself that I need change. I have become that bitter old lady who is only happy when she’s cranky and pissed at the world. I know the main root to my evil is stress, I have admitted this many times. Yet, I have done nothing to change this, let alone attempt to change this. The fact that there are useless fights, worthless yelling and wasteful tears, you’d think that I would just grow up. But the truth is, it is not that easy. Men have it way to easy, yet act as though they do it all. With that being said, this is the fuel to my lovely fire burning inside. I feel as though I do so much, and in the end get no credit…or told I am not doing enough. Yes, I am lazy with laundry and wait til the dishes are pretty much screaming my name. But the fact that I still bust my butt to make sure everything else is perfect, drives me nuts.
Why should I do what you want, when you never meet me in the middle, or why should I care what you think? The answer to that is simple…no matter what way I look at it, I am in love. I still get butterflies when we kiss…yet days seeing your face makes me annoyed instantly. They say there is a fine line between love and hate…they say its normal. I think our main issue is our sex life, everyone needs sex and romance. He is the least romantic person in the world, the man thinks taco bell is a date night meal. But since having the kids, and the new lovely birth control, this body just isnt the way it was at 19. Sad, I know, depressing yes…
Now that I have completely gone off topic and side tracked myself…got to love that a.d.d., back to my point. I have a short fuse, by the time the kids are ready for bed…I am normally ready to rip my hair out. Which the timing just happens to be when hubby gets home from work…so needless to say I am in a funk…and we tend to argue. So I have been trying to get the kids on a schedule of winding down and keeping everything calm. So far this is working, who would have thought clean up time and just legos could change your overall attitude (yes I am a big kid at heart, be jealous)? He’s noticed a difference and even high-fived me, haha, yes I said high-fived ( we are the couple who plays rock, paper, scissors to find out who has to take the dog out!)
With the small change, my brain seem to finally understand what its like to be at peace. So I am on a mission to keep this kind of attitude going, my body needs it. The way I see is between yoga, that of course entales meditation, finding time to wind down, and accepting my flaws…I will be a complete different person soon. Before motherhood instead of wanting to yell back, I would bust out a journal or my sketchpad…but in order to sketch I have to get out all of Kaes art supplies and then I have to some how get the baby to sit still…and well I haven’t done a real sketch in quite some time *insert sad panda face right about here*
I just hope with all the drama I put up with at work, the wildness of my girls, the lack of one on one with the husband, and my challenged family, I continue to remember how great it felt to be sane…just for that sweet moment…
Your life is what YOU make it, no one else can decide your fate<3
Over the years I already posted or shared stories of the crafts that I do with the girls. So instead of numerous facebook updates, tweets, texts and emails…I figured Id just dedicate one entire blog to the fun of crafting<3
Each craft in this blog is something my kids have done and something we love…at the end each one I’m sure I’ll leave a comment of what we thought about it or ways we have used it personally! So enjoy and prepare to have fun!!!!
- 1 cup Flour
- 1/2 cup salt
- 3 tablespoons oil
- 1 package of Kool-Aide
In a medium pan your going to boil one cup of water and add all the supplies…it will then turn into a ball. Add a little flour to your counter top and begin to knead your playdough.
-Remember if your animal lover all the salt is bad for the animals to eat but is okay for the kids to taste and get grossed out by. It will also stay good for a long time in an air tight container.
- 1 Package Jello
- 1/2 Cup warm water
Your going to add a little water slowly as you mix…if you want finger paint out of this keep it a little thick…but if you want paint brush style paint make sure its slight watery still.
-This takes some time to dry and if you use luke warm water the sugar in the mix will not fully melt and will have a glitter effect on your art work. You can also cut out pictures from magazines and paint the backs with the mix and make your own stickers =) Also Jello water keeps sick kids from dehydrating and helps with the “runs”
You can also use kool aide as paint too…each package of kool aide gets mixed with 2-3 tablespoons of water.
- You can use any anti bacterial soap
- food coloring
Your going to need a few small containers, and add the amount of soap you want to each one…you then add a pinch or 2 cornstarch (this helps fight the food color from staining) and then just a drop of color to each container.
- Blue Jello
- Swedish Fish
- Sour Straws
- Pop Rocks
- Small Clear Cups
Your going to make the jello like you would any other time, while you wait for that your going to decorate your “tanks”. The rocks are now made of pop rocks your then your going to add a little jello at a time for the building process. Your seaweed is your sour straws and you can add as much as you want, and lastly your going to add your fish. You then let it set in the fridge for normal time, and enjoy!!(If you want it faster make the jello the quick method way and then place in the fridge for a few to let it thicken a little more and then start building) -My kids love this one!! I almost force Kae to eat it and not wanna keep it as a pet.
We also do the paper mache which is your normal flour and water paste and you start off with a balloon and start building your layers….this is one that takes anywhere from days to weeks to complete. We have tried this one a few times and have half started piggy banks all over haha. We also made the telescopes out of toilet paper rolls and plastic wrap…our newest project was collecting sticks and letting the kids paint them anyway they wanted…then hot gluing them to spell out their names (go green =) ) Then theres match box houses for fairies<3 Rainbow Crayons are easy with cupcake tins and crayon odds and ends. Chocolate dipped coffee spoons, chocolate pudding paintings….You can pretty much plan a day of crafts with random house hold objects.
I have a million more projects we have done but Ill have to update later….Miss.Pae is throwing a tantrum cause yo gabba gabba ended….
Trying to find a balance between, work, two kids, a dog, a husband and playtime…lately seems impossible. When it comes to my girls my time is normally combined and we do group activities or I’ll encourage them to play together and explore. But today I got lucky! Kae stayed up beyond her bedtime with daddy watching movies and Pae was in bed like a good girl haha. So my wake up call was only from one little muffin yelling MOMMA at the top of her lungs today.
We spent the first few watching her favorite show….yo gabba gabba and then began our play time. Since I feel like I got more educational time with Kae as a baby, I try to make the same amount of learning time with the baby. Its sounds wayy easier than what it really is, specially since this week my dog has been beyond sick. So we spent our morning with the normal “whats this, whats that”, window gazing and bird watching, making breakfast, legos, counting, colors, and lots of love!! I am not going to lie, I love the individual time with each of them.
Now that the baby is getting ready for her afternoon nap, Kae will soon be getting her one on one time. We normally do projects together and she loves to help clean. I bought her a preschool workshop book and my goal is to start it today. This poor girl has been wanting to go to school for so long now, and I will admit I was beyond selfish with her. I did not want to let go and admit to myself that my colic baby was growing into a big girl. She is beyond smart and I know she would succeed in school and I know with her momma’s outgoing personality she would love every minute of it. So I have already started looking into school for the fall and I’ve been trying to find some sort of activity for her to join. Money always seems to be tight when an activity opens up though…story of our lives with our lovely economy!
I was into gymnastics as a child, and my parents could afford it either. But I was lucky enough to have friends who never had to worry about money and they would go to class and come home and teach me. So over the years I have been teaching Kae all the tricks I know and with our cable on demand offers a few dance shows. We may not always have to the money to pay a teacher to show her, but I always make sure I do my best to teach her what I know. For a soon to be 4 going on 24-year-old, this little girl has learned a lot. She has a passion for art, cooking, nature, animals, and learning.
I am a proud mother, that is for sure, my kids will never know the feeling I get as I watch them learn and grow. Before becoming a mother, I was going down a wrong path. You know the typical 19-year-old antics, “enjoying life, and living it to the fullest”…a.k.a causing mayhem. With Kae my pregnancy was a blessing in hiding, I found out about her the day after burying my grandpa. So needless to say my family was not to happy with me, and that is no understatement. My grandma exact words where “we will talk about this later.” and my parents uttered that famous “A” word. It was kind of funny though, cause Jeremy was beyond excited the second I called and shared the news.
Normally when you give that phone call your expecting your partner to freak out more than your family, it helped calm my nerves that’s for sure. Granted we still had worried and stressed about everything, but it always found a way to work out. Then with Pae, she was a complete surprise and I found out about her a few days after Kae second birthday. Pae pregnancy took a toll on me, emotionally and mentally. I was in the hospital with her more than I ever wanted to be. I bled off and on with her until the day I delivered and each hospital visit was always bad news. I can not even begin to count how many times the hospital told me I had lost my baby…or how many times they said they had no clue what was going on. Her pregnancy was beyond exhausting but the second she was born, I knew she was perfect.
Between all of Kae colic fits and Pae pre-birth hospital life, all the tantrums now a days, fights, attitudes, laughs, love, and struggles…I am beyong blessed<3 My family means the world to me and I will always strive to do the best I can for them. And with that being said Kae is now up and asking for coco milk and eggs….I love my life<33
As I Watch You Grow
As you grow into what you will be.
You came from within, from just beneath my heart
it’s there you’ll always be though your own life will now start.
You’re growing so fast it sends me awhirl,
With misty eyes I ask, Where’s my little girl?
I know sometimes to you I seem harsh and so unfair,
But one day you will see, I taught you well because I care.
The next few years will so quickly fly,
With laughter and joy, mixed with a few tears to cry.
As you begin your growth to womanhood, this fact you must know,
You’ll always be my source of pride, no matter where you go.
You must stand up tall and proud, within you feel no fear,
For all you dreams and goals, sit before you very near.
With god’s love in your heart and the world by its tail,
You’ll always be my winner, and victory will prevail.
For you this poem was written, with help from above,
To tell you in a rhythm of your Mother’s heartfelt Love!
Growing up me, my brother and sister were always close. Majority of our bond was built due to the fact that our parents were m.i.a, but still through our years we continued our bond. I always said that if and when I had children, they’d share the same bond. This is something that is beyond important to me.
Growing up, I pretty much raised my siblings, its something I will never regret. Though I know my girls will never have to worry about doing, it reminded me how special a bond can be. Since the day I found out I was pregnant, I made sure to include Kae in every step. She loved it and would even rub the lotion on my belly to feel the baby kid. One of the best pregnancy experiences was kae going to the first ultrasound. It was then that it all clicked and the look on her face was beyond priceless!
Now as they are growing, jealousy has its days…well weeks, but when they play together I cant help but smile. Its so cute to watch Kae teach her baby sister everything she knows….but the best is listening to explain it all. There are times I tear up watching them learn and grow together. Kae is a amazing older sister (even on her rotten days) and she always make sure everything is equal.
I must say that the two are so alike, its so adorable. Pae studies kae and then repeats her every move (hence escaping her crib by 6 months like a professional) and Kae loves to teach her. There are times when I have to jump in and remind her the baby is to little, and thats when Kae tells me “but momma she needs to know this for when shes big like me.”
As much as my girls drive me closer and closer to the looney bin, the have yet to relize…Im their biggest fan<3
“Sisters are different flowers, from the same garden”